365 Q&A #21: Incognito

I really had fun with this one (language warning*****):

Think of a major celebrity, and inhabit that celebrity's mind on a day when they are dying to get a coffee without being recognized.

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I roll into the coffee shop and all eyes are on me. As I walk past the crowd to get my mocha, double espresso iced coffee with a drizzle of caramel and a spurt of whip cream, the leather of my pants bunches and swishes with every step. In hindsight going to Starbucks in my Deadpool suit probably wasn't a good idea but, do you know how hard it is to get this ass out of leather? I'll just disguise my voice.

How should I disguise my voice? Do I go big, deep, scary man voice or little school girl? Both equally creepy. Shit I'm next.

So I panicked. I used a voice that was a combo of the creepy old guy who talks about popsicles from Family Guy and a dying dinosaur. So much for not drawing attention to myself. *sips coffee and immediately throws it in the trash* This coffee tastes like dick. Next time I'm sending my assistant.

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Which celebrity would you choose to be?